Tuesday, April 1, 2008

What Were We Thinking?!

What were we thinking?! NOT buy anything new for a YEAR??!! That's crazy!

We were pulling all of your legs. It was a joke. God, you guys fell hard for that! Of course we're buying new stuff! Why wouldn't we? Seriously. Who in their right mind would deny themselves things ever? If you can get it--why wouldn't you?

We always buy this. It's a Ford Excursion. Every year we just go get a new one.

And this, our wii system. See our hands holding the remotes? We play with these all of the time. Well, we alternate between this and our other game systems--we have 5 of them.

And we especially appreciate these. We love our iPods and always want the newest colors--they're so pretty! We just throw them out when we want a new color. Hey, why not?!

And, I can't live without these. Dooney & Bourke (for Spring or with pastels--so feminine), or Michael Kors. I love those purses with my Hudson Jeans. I am hawt!

Really, it was all just a joke. Of course people in San Francisco stopped buying new things for a year--fruitcakes! What's new there? I just wanted to see people's reaction to such an insane idea.

You know what everyone needs to do? Just chill and relax and do whatever feels good for you. Life is short! Why worry about climate change (if there even is such a thing...), or the war in Iraq? I'm sure the powers that be know what they're doing--they've studied all of this stuff, I haven't. They're the experts. Why worry about stuff that I can't change and have no impact on?

The best we can do is just try to get as much stuff for ourselves and not worry too much about each other. Even poor people can afford things from Walmart--what's the problem?! If it makes ME happy, isn't that enough? I mean, then I'm one more happy person in the world and that helps everyone right? That doesn't sound selfish does it? Besides, what has everyone else ever done for me? Hmmmmm? None of this thinking is selfish.

I'll explain it to you this way. Here's my Story of Stuff:

  • An American company goes into a third world country (If they're not even first--why do we care? Don't you like winners?) and gives those people JOBS! You know what they do before American companies get there? Nothing. They don't even know how to extract every last crumb of mineral deposits out of their ground. Now, when American companies get there, they can eat our modern food--not that disgusting swill they've lived on for millennia. COKE is everywhere and thank God for that! That's a blessing to the world!!
  • The American company goes to China and gets really cheap labor, or slave labor from prisoners (But I say if they're in prison, they must have done something wrong--right? Slave labor in prison is OK!). They put together all of the cool stuff that we can buy here for a reasonable price! See? It's all good.
  • Walmart employs lots of people all over this country. We go there and get stuff and then bring it home and enjoy it...for a while. Then we throw it out and go get more! If we didn't do that, wouldn't the Walmart employees lose their jobs? What about the work force in China? They can't be doing much in prisons if they don't have a job. What about the people in third world countries? Don't they count? We need to buy and then throw out and then buy again. That's how our economy works and that's going great isn't it? There are no glitches in that, right?
  • If I'm really cool, I get really expensive things that I can't afford but that reinforce the ideas about what it means to be: a sexy, hawt, fabulous woman, a virile, successful man, a cool kid. We need these things. We DESERVE these things. My family deserves their happiness. These things will make us happy. Who is anyone else to judge what will make us happy?
See the ads over there, at the top of my blog? They pay me to run them here. That's a good thing. Why wouldn't I want to make money here? What would be the possible point of making all of these posts? Really, I don't get it. People only do things for money. That's what makes the world go round. Why would I sit here writing things for no reason? If I'm not getting paid, what's the reason then? I'm not tracking on that, really.

Go buy stuff today. Buy a bunch of stuff. Even better--go buy stuff and throw out stuff. When you go shopping for food, make sure you get the most over packaged excessive stuff. Go get a designer purse. Sometimes they cost thousands, but sometimes they're only a few hundred--it's a great deal. Go get a purse from these designers: Burberry, Chanel, Cole Haan, Dolce & Gabbana, Dooney & Bourke, Fendi, Hermes, Michael Kors, Prada or Yves Saint Laurent. Think how fierce that would be! Snap!!

I just thought you guys should know this April 1st, April Fools Day, that we think everyone should buy lots--all of the time. You can expect ads here from now on and maybe a feature or two on how to turn off all of the brain chatter--relax! Go have a bath. Tomorrow I'll show you all of the things I bought last weekend. It was fabulous.

Happy shopping on this April Fools Day today!


siobhan said...

round of applause :)

Laura said...

Thanks. Gotta run--I've got to do a lot of online shopping now the kids are asleep. Whew! I've got to treat myself now--hard day!

Mama bee said...

This cracked me up!

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