A Fashion Loss

I used to rock leggings in the 80's and 90's. In the 80's I wore an over sized shirt, or perhaps a shaker sweater (both with shoulder pads) over my leggings (with or without stirrups) which were tucked into my cute suede slouchy boots. I rocked it. I had the big earrings. I had the perm.

In the 90's I wore my black leggings with big clunky heeled frankenstein boots under a sheer, black crinkly broomstick skirt that almost swept the ground. My hair was sleek and pulled back. My lips had on matte, really drying, couple shades lighter than espresso lipstick that stayed on all day. I was Euro chic.

Now leggings are back and I hate them.

I can no longer wear them. Either I don't have the body to do so anymore (and I don't), or I don't have the perky, spunky, energetic age to do so (and I don't).

When will togas make a come back do you think? I could rock those.



Enjoy the blast from the past and picture me wearing leggings and being mad at Reagan...

JC Penny Catalog From 1977

Sweet! Cool pattern for a leisure suit you can sew!

This is hilarious and accurate--check out a few pictures from a JC Penny catalog from 1977. I remember everyone and everything looking like this. Well, almost everything. My parents were more into a Scandinavian Design kind of look back then--clean lines, light woods, it was tasteful.

However, when I went to the Raquet Club for tennis lessons, I saw in the lounge area a table with an inset TV screen which had a new thing on it--PONG! It was mesmerizing. The table and the chairs looked kind of like the barrel furniture in the JC Penny catalog. How did anyone see that as stylish or well designed?

1977. No longer the Bicentennial year, and kind of a let down.

At least we still had terry cloth, polyester and his and her matching clothing.

Riddle Me This Batman

I just spent a ridiculously long time cleaning out my sock drawer in my dresser. Waaaay in the back I came across 6 unopened packages of white pantyhose.

Why?

How?

When??

I am boggled.

Somewhere out there there may be some need for a pair of white pantyhose and so the good folks at Goodwill or The Salvation Army will receive all of them as part of a donation.

In the meantime, I am left wondering how there was such a white pantyhose black hole in the back of my drawer.

I am boggled.

A Hairdresser Named Maryam

I got my hair cut the other day. As much as my kids wouldn't like it, I decided to get some layers cut in and to have my bangs shaped a bit better than my rushed feeble attempt of the other day.

I've written about my kids' strong attachment to my hair and how they really don't like me to alter how I look. However I look is me. If I don't look the same, how am I still me? Oh, but I am and they are living with it.

A hairdresser named Maryam took me over to her chair to consult with me and see what I would like to do before she washed my hair. I explained how I wanted the layers cut in and how I wanted the bangs to be and she asked if I wanted them on the side and then I could put in a little gel and that would work. "Um. No. I don't use gel." Maryam raised her eyebrows at this, but she said nothing. I didn't dare tell her that I wash my hair with baking soda and rinse it with vinegar. I didn't think that would fly.

We made small talk as she washed my hair. She had an accent that I couldn't place. She laughed when my kids came over and asked if they could please go to the pet store next door and I said no. They accepted it and went back to the couch to read Cosmo or Vogue or something that I don't ever read. Her daughter, she explained, has two little kids 7 and 5 and they are always asking why? Why this and why that. They never accept an answer and must be told the reason for everything. Maryam said it tires her daughter. I explained that I do my fair share of explaining too, it's just that this time the kids accepted my answer willingly.

I followed Maryam, my damp hair in a towel turban--which as a child I would have arranged so as to look like Cher and pretend I was on the Sonny and Cher Show. Maryam asked if the kids were out of school yet. "No. We're homeschoolers, so we're sort of done, but not really." This is a much better answer than I usually give explaining that we unschool and we don't use a curriculum and the kids learn all the time all year round. 'Cause they're alive, that's why.

She was curious about it and at first thought that maybe a teacher comes to the house--no, it's me, I explained, I'm the teacher and we do what we want. Maryam wondered if we use the same books as the schools do and I explained that we don't. She asked if the kids learn the same things. No, they learn what they learn. They're ahead in some ways and behind in some ways, but they're learning what they need to know and will be fine by the time college rolls around. She got that.

She shared that her granddaughter is a little chubby and gets teased unmercifully at school. I saw pictures of grandkids on her work space counter--cute kids and a shot of an older set of kids. One was a teenager. Maryam told me that he's 18 now and lives back where she's from. "Where's that?" I asked. "Iran." "Oh, Persian", I said. She grinned and was pleased that I know that. I said smugly, "Well, we're homeschoolers..."

I went on to explain about our field trip to my friend's mosque and that it was that kind of visit that was why we were homeschoolers. My kids would never go to a mosque as a field trip in school. "We also went on a behind the scenes tour of Trader Joe's, and wouldn't have been able to if there was a big school group." "Oh, Yes.", she said. She got it.

We talked a bit about the hijab. She asked if my friend wears a hijab. She felt she could never do it. She felt it was an infringement on her person, on her liberty to be told how to dress. Her daughter is married to a Muslim man and does wear a hijab, but she felt she could never do it. She felt bad for the women of Afghanistan in their burkas.

She's Christian and had a very hard time in Iran. At 13, through an arranged marriage, she was given away and had her first child at 15. She said she never listened to others who tried to make her something she was not.

She continued school and her husband didn't like it. She told him she would go any way. She graduated and went on to college where she became a political science major. "Why did you learn how to cut hair?", I asked wanting to know more of her story. As she worked on my head, snipping here and there, she calmly told of her time during the revolution. Her husband, the man she had been given to at the tender age of 13 was killed. She had 12, 10 and 8 year old children. She had to learn something to survive.

Maryam sent her son to Japan and the rest of her family got out of Iran and made their way to India. Eventually, she came here and was granted political asylum.

She continued to look at my hair, taking strands from both sides of my head and pulling them to the front to check if the cut was even. I said something sympathetic, but I was sort of floored by the horror she had endured. I told her I was so sorry and how awful that must have been. She seemed very strong and resilient--she had had to have been--and she was sorry about what her country had become.

We agreed that women in this country have great freedoms. We have freedom that is unknown to oppressed women and girls in other parts of the world.

My kids sidled up to me and I asked them if they would go next door and then come back or wait for me there and not go anywhere else. Yes, they would. Would they not bump on the glass trying to get the dogs' attention and just carefully look at everything? Yes, they would be careful. "OK. You can go." Big grins all around, including Maryam who felt I should let the kids go all along.

Maryam finished up my haircut and gave me her card and I paid her and gave her a big tip. I shook her hand and thanked her for the great haircut and for sharing her interesting story with me. She smiled and thanked me for coming.

I am Selling Out... Kind of...

I started this blog as a challenge for my family and myself to see if we could live in a simple way and not buy new things. I thought it would be interesting to see if we could live through the limits that The Compact would impose on us. I wondered what we would discover about ourselves and about our neighbors and the typical consumer lifestyle that we are all pressured to live. Would we be able to live a year without buying any things that are new? Would the kids feel out of step with other kids? Would I pine for anything? Would I chafe under the restriction?

My husband makes a good living *knocks on wood* and we have always lived fairly simply, but if I wanted to get a little something from Williams Sonoma I could have. If I felt like getting a Hanna Andersson outfit for my daughter, that was no problem. I ended up not doing that very much, because I ended up not buying very much for any of us, even before The Compact. It was an easy switch to make to just buying used things from Goodwill or the Salvation Army and we found lots of nice, gently used things from Eddie Bauer (for me), and The Gap and every other place I used to shop when the kids were little and I wasn't a bit concerned with them outgrowing their clothing in a 2 month time... That was a little frivolous of me, but the clothes were very cute and 100% cotton. I felt that was important for tender new skin.

I found all sorts of decent clothing that was perfectly good. It didn't matter to my kids, or me or my husband either, if things were a certain brand. The Compact would have been far more difficult if that had been the case, or if we had cared if things were part of a current trend. Trendy, we are not.

So The Compact has continued to be a part of our lifestyle. We have purchased new things and then I have confessed to you all right here on this blog. We've gotten a water heater and a manual lawn mower and shoelaces and goldfish and leotards and props for performances and new toys for the kids at museums and gifts for them at X-mas and at birthdays. We've gotten used things too, but we have not been pure, just very conscious about our purchases. We haven't really been frivolous.

I started this blog as a way of tracking our lifestyle and seeing how we progressed and then realized that if we weren't purchasing new things, I could show you what we were doing instead. If you don't buy it, what in the world do you do? For many people buying is a form of entertainment or even sport--the challenge of finding and then getting the great deal. On one of my April Fool's Day posts I put up a Google AdSense banner and explained that we would now be carrying ads. I wrote:

See the ads over there, at the top of my blog? They pay me to run them here. That's a good thing. Why wouldn't I want to make money here? What would be the possible point of making all of these posts? Really, I don't get it. People only do things for money. That's what makes the world go round. Why would I sit here writing things for no reason? If I'm not getting paid, what's the reason then? I'm not tracking on that, really.

That was a joke. I write here because I feel strongly about many issues and want to share what I know. I write here because I like to write and hope to share something good with others: political outrage, unschooling joy, ways to be healthy with raw milk, kefir, the seminal book Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon, my hilarious husband... My secret ambition is to be a paid writer somewhere, somehow. It would be ideal if it was on my terms wouldn't it?

I feel like when I grow up, this is what I'll do as an adult. And then I realize that I am grown up and I am a writer, of sorts. So, why not now? What the heck am I waiting for? As my father quoted Hillel to me when I was an emotional teenager, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?" Sage words there.

So you know what? I am going to continue to write here and get money for my writing from having ads!! What?! "But, Laura, what about your whole 'We don't buy it. We're living on The Compact. We think new things are bad. We are holy and pure and think serious thoughts all of the time...' What about that stuff?!" you argue indignantly with me. Ah. I see your confusion and concern. Seems a little hypocritical doesn't it? Well, you are wrong! Wrong I tell you!! Because you know why? I'm going to have ads for stuff I believe in. Ha!

Food. Whole nutritious food! You have to eat, even on The Compact. I am a huge fan of kefir and kombucha, and yogurt, sourdough starter and dried foods that retain their enzymes and... and... and all of the stuff that Cultures for Health sells. So guess what. I am now an affiliate of their site and every sale that they make, linked from here at We Don't Buy It, I get paid for. Hurray!

I will now have some ads here. Also, I may have product giveaways. Have you ever wanted to try and make yogurt, or kefir, or sourdough bread? It can seem like a lot of work and it can seem overwhelming, but it's not if you have easy starters and quality ingredients. Maybe you'd like to try one out. Maybe you'll win a contest and get some for free and then you can.

I will review products too. I'll let you know what I think. (Yeah, that's a new one, because I've always been shy about sharing my opinions, haven't I?) *snort*

I am selling out sort of. But, as it turns out, not really.

Cool for Now

We are still mostly not buying it, that is to say, we are still trying to live with The Compact. As I have said before, we mostly still do. We mostly do not buy anything new. My husband buys lumber or screws and nails if he needs them. But, overall, we haven't and still don't buy new things. Which is not to say that we don't buy anything.

Today, for example, I went to our nifty new Salvation Army store and bought the kids a ginormous pile of clothes. They will now have t-shirts and shorts and my daughter will have dresses and both will have jeans without rips in the knees although that is a cool look, I will acknowledge.

I never achieved that look throughout my entire childhood. Firstly, I was in Sears Toughskins... those are not Levi's and you can't achieve any kind of cool look with those no matter how hard you try.

At the time, I had my own idea of what cool looked like so that was OK. I had chipped my front two teeth and had to wear silver caps for a year and a half in first and second grades and I knew, positively knew that I was cool because I could pretend to be Lindsay Wagner in The Bionic Woman. I was the bionic woman with my silver caps. I could cock my head to the side and have my super sonic hearing detect bad guys a mile away, the sun glinting off my silver caps. How much cooler could anyone get? So, Toughskins didn't matter then.

Later on in about 5th grade or so, I desperately wanted to have jeans that had rips in the knees. I finally got Levi's (this was before the Gloria Vanderbilt or Chic madness--that came later), but I was growing so quickly that my jeans never got worn through in the knees. They did become floods almost immediately, however.

It was only as an adult that I finally understood the taunt: "Hey Laura! Can you swim?" and then there would be uproarious laughter. "Of course I can swim!!", I'd angrily retort. Well, kids were asking me that because I was wearing floods--get it? Ah. I see. I think I was an easy target in a lot of ways. I don't think I got the nuanced communication that occurs on the playground.

Any way, today I got all sorts of clothes for the kids. Just as I didn't, my kids don't really understand "cool" either except through their own filters. They have very little brand recognition. They have some, but they're more likely to think something is cool because of its color or what its made of, than because it's part of a giant merchandising juggernaut like Hannah Montana or Disney or even Abercrombie and Fitch.

My kids don't really have a uniform. They don't know they must wear this or that to be cool. They know they are cool because my son can do a headstand for minutes on end and my daughter can adopt a spot on English accent.

It's not The Bionic Woman, but what could be cooler than that these days?

I Don't Have a Thing to Wear

You know what? I don't have a thing to wear to the homeschooling conference--nothing! No kicky blouse to wear over smokin' hot jeans. No interesting hand painted silk scarf to casually throw over a shoulder like a Parisian woman. No. I'm going to wear frumpy mom jeans and a linen tunic I got from Goodwill a few months ago.

It will have to do. No one is going to care about me, the talent show MC, they're going to see the kids and enjoy the show. Does a kicky blouse a show make? I think not.

Will post when we get back from the conference.

Enjoy your fashionable weekend. Maybe you'll wear a short skirt and a long jacket...

Busy Knitting, no Activism Today

Well I haven't done anything activist like today--just lived my life with my husband and kids here. Sometimes that feels like a radical act, but still.

I did, however, make it to the post office where I was able to hand off a couple of boxes to a postal worker and avoid the absolutely ginormous line snaking out into the lobby. Afterward, my daughter and I headed over to Goodwill where I got her some kicky jeans and a couple of belts and a kicky skirt and dress for me. All was kicky and dare I say sassy as well. That's not always easy to pull off, and yet we did...

You know what else is not easy to pull off? A knitting project that I've messed up and so have left literally languishing in the corner of my dining room with the rest of my yarn stash for over a year. I had convinced myself that it was unapproachable. Then, I returned to it to see what's up and realized the goof was easily fixed because I've become a good enough knitter to read the yarn and see my mistake and know how to correct it. Sorry, daughter, on the year wait for your sweater. Good thing I was knitting it huge to begin with--you won't outgrow this thing until adulthood. Not exactly a tailored piece I'm crafting here.

So, I feel obligated to my daughter to try and finish up this sweater and concentrate on that for a few days. Also, my son is wanting me to knit him a cool ski mask so I have to get on that soon as well.

All this to say that I've not had a political, environmental, or otherwise expansive thought in my head all day. Plus, I made coconut macaroons--also, not a serious subject. Although, these are to die for.

No bitching here, but no activism today either. We didn't buy any new things today so it is all still fitting and appropriate.

This is me today:

Heavy on the sewing circle (for me knitting), light on the terrorist (I prefer to view that as active citizen).

What did you do today?

How to Be OK With Not Buying Anything New

You know what I think? I think there are going to be more and more people joining my family in deciding not to buy anything new...however, you may be joining us by necessity and not by choice. You may still want all sorts of new things: the latest i-pod, computer, phone, TV, stereo, CDs, clothes, purses, shoes, toys, game systems, cars, vacations, houses, furniture, exercise equipment and etc., etc., etc.... But, because of a recent lay-off or too much credit card debt or shortened work hours or continuous temporary status (so they don't have to pay benefits--is there downward loyalty anywhere any more?) you can no longer afford to buy as you once enjoyed.

Some enjoyed buying as sport. Some enjoyed the hunt of shopping as an expression of their worth and so, to themselves and outwardly to others, their value as a person.

I'm here to say welcome to all of you! Welcome! You may not believe this, but it is not at all bad to deny yourself things. It's OK. Really. It doesn't hurt, if you realize that things are to serve you and do not define you. You are not your things. You are not your fashion or style--although, aesthetics of all sorts do help explain us to each other. Still, your look is not you. It doesn't have to be your statement about who you are to the world.

Now that you can no longer afford to buy the latest thing and will have to learn to do without, you can learn all sorts of things about what is interesting and important to you in life and in the world.



You know what's free? Your library! Well, your taxes already paid for it, so you might as well go there and enjoy yourself. Go check out a DVD, some CDs, some fiction, some non-fiction--perhaps a book or two about intentional simplicity.




You know what else is free? The woods, or a park or a city street. Go explore, for free. Go somewhere you've never gone. Go somewhere you haven't been to in a while--with the simple intent of taking it in. Not to conquer or own or purchase or demand. Just go and be. It's OK.



Go to a museum on their free day and look with a set of new eyes. See things you've never seen before. Ask questions. Be curious. Explore.

Once you're stripped of your things, and your strong connection to them, you can feel who you are inside. You can look at others differently as well. Not the latest things around that person? Not the coolest shoes? Does it matter, really? Does it?

Has it ever really mattered?

We come to the earth naked and we leave naked and we involve ourselves with things for the journey in between. But, what if the things are all weighing us down because of our relationship to them? What if we could achieve a certain sense of lightness in our lives by no longer worrying about things?

Obviously if you're poor, the worry about things will include rudimentary shelter and food and clothing. What does it say about the rest of the people who are choosing to worry about things as much as poor people do who are suffering and just struggling to survive? Why would people choose that? Why is that valued? Why do we define ourselves and each other through our things?

What about you? What do you contribute to the world? What do you give to your family and friends and causes that you care about? Do you have causes that you care about? Do you know what you believe in? Do you know what's important to you once the things are gone?

Welcome to not buying. It will be OK.

Uh Oh...

I don't like to shop. I don't like going in stores. I don't like the hunt. I don't like getting caught up in fashion and feeling compelled to keep up.

I want my kids to have simple, cotton clothing uncluttered with ads for the Gap, or Old Navy or anything else. I don't like cartoon characters all over kids' clothing. I don't like words like "Princess" or sayings like "I didn't do it..." or anything like that in glittery printing on the front of a shirt. I don't want my kids to be walking billboards or to look smart-assy or to look smarmy.

Having said all of that, it is with that set of sensibilities that has always drawn me to Hanna Andersson to buy a few things for my daughter. It is very expensive clothing, but it wears well and is simple and innocent without being cutesy poo and saccharine.

I've discovered that it's been difficult to find clothes for my kids at thrift stores. I don't like to shop and that's what you have to do at Goodwill. You have to really hunt for simple, clean, cotton clothing. The other day I was struck with the realization that I could shop at ebay and get my daughter used items from Hanna Andersson and I wouldn't have to drag the kids out to a store to paw through racks and racks of clothes!

I've never bought from ebay. It's new to me to sit here and surf through items and put in bids. I've kind of gotten caught up in seeing these great deals for my daughter and being fed up with things I'm finding in thrift shops.

So do you think it's a good thing, or a bad one, that I'm currently winning 17 bids?

Uh oh...

New Poll at left--please vote!

I've created a poll that you can see on the left hand side. I don't clamor for any of these things, but some people really do don't they, because that's how they get bought.

People like things and don't like things. I, for example, like knitting, reading and cooking. A lot. I like reading to myself and out loud to my kids. I, however, can not imagine myself liking to drive a Hummer. I can see how someone would want to feel powerful or strong by driving it, but then they look like they HAVE to drive it to be powerful and strong, like by driving it they can exude a commanding presence that they don't actually possess. It's such a cliche to think they're compensating for something, but really, what soccer mom in my Very-Republican-Town needs to drive an ex-military vehicle? There are a lot of them apparently with unmet commanding presence needs.

What about the electric broom thingy? Have you seen this? I think it's a Dirt Devil product. It is a vacuum and a broom COMBINED! That sounds kind of cool right? It sounds useful. But, when you stop to think about it, you can see that it is just removing one step from the oh-so-difficult sweeping process and that is to bend down and pick up the dust pan and dump it into the garbage. The energy saved by not bending is spent instead by powering the electric broom thingy in the first place. Instead of using your own muscles--and aren't we being constantly reminded to get more exercise and park further away in a parking lot and take the stairs and do extra little things every day to move more--the electric broom user wastes electricity to not bend at the waist.

Do we really need this stuff? If people didn't see advertisement, if they weren't bombarded with advertisement for these things, would they even occur to most people? Would anyone's life feel empty, only to be filled with an electric broom thingy, if they didn't know the electric broom thing existed? Was there really a NEED for that, or the Hummer or the hands-free phone that sticks out of your ear like Lt. Ohura on Star Trek (she rocked, didn't she?!)? Do teen age girls who are a little more chubby really need to succumb to a style of jeans that is not at all suited to their body type because that's what is in? If they wear things that will flatter their body type, will they be seen as not cool, or worse will they feel not cool and not like themselves, even though they are presenting themselves in a way that is most flattering for them?

We are all so entrenched with this lifestyle in the United States. We are mostly unconscious of these ubiquitous pressures and fall right into the trap of buying tons of stuff we don't need and that didn't occur to us until someone suggested we had a need and showed us where it could be filled. Remember my flirtation with the Annie Hall style when I was about 12? I must say that that particular look would never have occurred to me without Seventeen magazine showing me the way and lighting my path to late 70's popular fashion.

Any way, please fill out the poll and we'll see what you all think by next Sunday when the poll closes. Any of the silly answers will do...unless you really are a spoon collector in which case you can choose that answer in all seriousness.

Thank you.

Wait...why are you doing this?

Well, we are no longer purchasing new so that we don't add to the earth's burden. Things aren't garbage until they're thrown away so we are going to get things before they get junked. We are going to give things a second, third or fourth life. We are going to use things until they are no longer useful. We will repair things. We will mend clothing. I will learn to darn...really. Maybe. No, definitely yes.

A lot of our thinking has come about because of my husband's profession as a designer for a company that produces stuff. They used to have a service center and a service number to call when their things broke. And then, one day they didn't any more. At that point my husband said, "I'm designing landfill..." It was a truly disheartening moment for him. He and I both became even more disgusted by the consumer driven throw away society that has become the United States. Walmart shouldn't be the arbiter of taste, value and worth. But it is!

We don't buy it. We don't believe all of the marketing spin. We don't feel compelled to go shopping on Black Friday. We don't buy the magazine Lucky which glorifies shopping and elevates it to sport or even worse, good fortune.

We aren't trying to judge anyone else. Life is short and fragile and whatever gets you through the night is just great. However...for our family? We've decided that a life worth living for us is one where we are even more strongly connected to the earth by removing all the false connections. We really don't need plastic junk from China produced by slave, prison labor. Really . We don't.

All of the arguments to buy this stuff fails. We don't buy it.